Still having "issues"...me not the Horse!

Hi Elaine,
I messaged you several months ago about our new horse Baley. We got off to a rough start. He had put he legs through the fence twice where I board him so he is now kept in at night. Funny thing is my Aunt got that message from him. She is not a licensed animal communicator but has attended several workshops and knows a wonderful lady who is. So I trust what she feels.

I am going slow with Baley and I just love his "attitude" because it is how he is but I still seem to be somewhat uncomfortable with him. My husband seems to have sparked a relationship.

Baley is good around our disabled son and grandson but he just plays me and I am the one who is so eager to make friends and I have the carrots ;) I don't know where this nervousness is coming from as I mentioned having had a horse as a kid and the connection we had. Maybe I am being too pushy? I have not been for a ride since we bought him (hence the cut up legs) we tried to put his bridle on yesterday and he was having no part of that.

I am wondering if this horse is ever going to connect to me or is he just going to like me for the carrots? Please let me know what you think. P.S On my way out of the barn yesterday he did let me give him kisses which is a first.



Hi,
What seems to be lacking from this relationship is an understanding of how horses think vs. how humans think situations through. I get a sense that you might be anthropomorphizing (giving animals too many human characteristics to explain a situation) rather than understanding the point of view from a horse's perspective.


His living environment has me wondering about comfort and safety. Why would he go through the fence twice? Was he being chased? Is there more to eat on the other side? This I know for sure, no horse wants to be confined to a stall for the entire evening. I goes against every natural fiber of their being. So I would readdress his living arrangements.

Nervousness stems from the fear of the unknown. You are uncertain about a few things when it comes to Baley and he is asking you to learn something new which often puts us humans in an uncomfortable place. You mentioned, "Is he ever going to connect with me?" yet I think Baley is asking the same question too! I am a firm believer that it is our responsibility to offer the connection or change not the horses. Feel the difference?

All the information supplied on this site is here to guide you further but maybe our Secret Lives of Horses ebook will fill in some spaces. Plus I would encourage you to look into Clicker Training which will give you a method to utilize food as a teaching tool rather than a coercive measure to gain a friendship.

Finally, let’s not go from zero to a hundred. I would never just get on a horse without spending valuable time from the ground playing games and establishing a language of understanding. That is where I gain a connection with a horse and then I move up slowly to adding a bitless bridle and reins to further our education together.

Hope this offers you a new helpful perspective.

Elaine Polny
Horses by Nature